Utopia :: Indian Politics meets ideal world

It was a crisp summer evening, the soil has been burnt blue by the unrelenting and indifferent rays of the sun, hardly a cool breeze – not surprising as even my telescope couldn’t catch the nearest tree in sight and ad hoardings turning every road into rectangular dungeons – the only respite was that it was about sundown and it could only get better. I was among thousands waiting in line to get into the great hall. Lying beyond those metal detectors are imposing guards and those marauding carnivores raiding for any elements that could harm the evening’s proceedings.

As I wait in the line that meanders around the block to the east and south and west and north, I realize I might be among the lucky ones to witness history. I have earned it though; I went to work early by 2 hours, got some time off by an hour and have been in this imposing place for quite a while. I watched the sun show its wrath for a while and then its beautiful crimson red twilight, a little over 3 hours have passed and unfortunately there were no mobile restrooms or any other respite for us in the lines. Sweat had poured through my once combed hair – and politely can now only be called a shabby mess – I was drenched in my own sweat, on my forehead and neck, some spheres of sweat running down my neck and spine. My hanky could only help me so much as its now a wet wipe, I realized I cannot beat the sun and just better enjoy the tan.

It is easy for a guy like me with normal complexion to enjoy a free tan in the sun as I got not much to lose. For a brief moment I wanted to own the local chat just off the building we were trying to enter. They were having some special business and the astute minded dude reeled in some of the cooler stuff including dahi vada, nimbhu pani, butter milk. The wait was almost over, as I saw a hoard of high profile policemen walking past us. I could see they were important as they didn’t care much for us in the lines and whether were standing in line or someone was jumping in. A couple of more ambassadors file past us and we were sure some action was happening. Realizing all the hubbub the local constable showed up after a tea break of 4 hours and slapped his lathi-sticks on the ground, a way of letting us know who was in control of the scene.

Then a loud clunking sound, the iron gates were opening, the last time I felt this happy was when I was going to see my first and last ever first day-first show at a cinema. A sense of accomplishment washed the faces of quite a few folks standing in those lines. I quickly surveyed the line and I could easily understand 4 languages and recognize that 7 of them were being spoken at the same time. Then a big Matador white van pulled very close to the gates, a pretty young woman with a very resplendent smile disembarked, quickly a few folks around me recognized her as the local news reporter of a popular channel, she had a couple of cameramen with her and she headed right to us. She dressed up her eyebrows, checked whether the mirror was showing an acceptable image then went to her black purse and rubbed some waxy item on her pursed lips.

She was now ready, and the shocking question was asked ‘How do you feel’ Dude: ‘Great, we have never been a part of something like this before’ Her: ‘You Sir, what do you expect; Dude2: ‘Hopefully they catch my face on camera, I have waited 4 hours’ Her: ‘And you’ Me: ‘Well, for one I hope they are all honest and don’t take this personally, we want answers and this is the first time a forum like this has been provided’ Her: ‘ There you have it folks, we are about to witness this event live in another 45 minutes, keep your remote away and your eyeballs on the channel that has the exclusive rights to a path breaking event’.

We were all ushered in, first we passed the metal detectors and then a pair of suspecting and vicious, rabid looking hounds. We were then asked to empty our pockets, our wallet, our shoes and after everything was fine we were let through the gates. The first 500 got in, quite a big arena for an event like this. I selected a spot not too off the centre or the byline but definitely a little off the imposing 5 foot speakers. As I sat down, a neatly dressed young chap spoke “You all know this will be a live event, but, in order to prevent any misuse or abuse, please write down your input and we will parse and allow based on content’. Great I thought, this was supposed to be unfettered, unfiltered and already we have a red tape. I wrote mine and gave it to the chap. He finished ‘ we will have 10% of these tonight, so don’t take it personally if you are just here to witness the event, I am sure though, your grandkids will be proud of you... when you tell them’. Great, I don’t even have a kid and this young chap is telling me how to please my grandkid.

Suddenly the AC started working in the arena, I was like ‘Oh Finally !!’ then I realized the host just walked in and that’s why. We awaited for a few more golden moments with all types of ringtones blaring our ears, finally everyone had the courtesy to switch them off. And in walked in the 3 guests L.K.Advani, ManMohan Singh and Mayawati. Suddenly, everyone rose to their feat and shouted their beloved leaders names, I was standing too and wondering the momentous nature of the event. We all finally were tired enough after the applause to sit down, the 3 guests thanked everyone profusely.

The host spoke first ‘Good Evening everyone, this event is the first ever in India, for the first time in history we have the 3 main contenders of the general election at the same podium. An event like this was not imaginable as far back as 5 years, but thanks to the power of the internet, the thirst for answers, the movement to be heard and ask questions, the election commission of India and ofcourse the Supreme Court which weighed in favorably we are about to hold this event. I first want to thank our Prime Minister Mr Singh and the two main contenders Shri Advaniji and Madam Mayawati for taking some time off their busy campaign schedule to answer a few questions for us. As you all are aware, mails went out from our TV station to randomly select this audience and thank you by the way for being here, without you nothing is possible, we ask that you check your partisanship at the door and ask constructive questions to the candidates’

‘Each question will be asked by me, we have selected 50 of them from your written questions and we will get to as many as possible. There will be a 10 minute break after the first hour of questioning and then the final 90 minutes. Among the 500 submitted, we have selected a wide range of them, covering important topics like economy, inflation, cost of living, rural living, farmer’s plight, banks, security, tax increases, transport and infrastructure. We ask that you not applaud in the middle and save it for the very end of the session’.

First question, and from our random process it goes to Ms Mayawati, ‘What steps are you proposing to combat the job losses in the tech and manufacturing industry’.

Ms Mayawati clears her throat ‘ I believe that education is a must for every American kid, we should have a diploma to complete with the Indians who are invested in earning higher degrees’.

Mr Singh ' Namaskar... i believe that the Russians have the right to decide what they want... '

Mr Advani ' Jai Hind... The IMF money is going to the wrong countries, we have to get it in the right hands'

Second question: The inflation rate is currently said to be 0.2%, however when you only consider the items that other countries account for and the basics that a common man needs.. the costs of items are high.. how do u plan to control them'

Mr Singh ' I donno, we are in talks to outsource more so that should help'

Mr Advani ' By partnering with like minded countries... we can solve all ills'

Ms Mayawati ' If we are to combat obesity we have to make some tough choices'

I was like “Whoa !! what the hell was that… ” then a thud I fell down from my couch and hit my head hard on the coffee table. I woke up dreary eyed, then I realized a rerun of ‘KingKong’ was on HBO, I had fallen asleep. I realized there was no event where we can ask the 3 main candidates competing in the general election, that was all UTOPIA, that was all too ideal, what the hell was I thinking. By the way wasn’t I watching ManUtd-Liverpool... when did I even sleep?.. Oh, well, the only bummer about that utopian world I was in… I could have just stayed there 10 more minutes to hear what they wanted to say about the Indian economy, jobs, inflation, rising cost of living… now I can only hope to be in that dream world again, as we know the real Indian politicians would not let these forums happen to them ever…. or answer the questions that people have in their minds.. thats way too ideal for them... UTOPIA imbibe me again please...